Unbelievable Loss

How do you try to write about something when the words just won't come and when they do come they don't even begin to scratch the surface of the pain you feel?  How do you begin to try to explain a loss so enormous that words just won't suffice?  How do you tell your friends that you have suffered one of the most unbelievable losses you hope and pray you will ever have to experience?  If it seems that this post is a bit scattered, it's because I'm struggling to find the words to write it.  And it's also because I still can't believe that it's true; that the loss we've suffered is anything more than one terrible nightmare.

I've written about him several times before.  Kyle.  My oldest son's best friend since the age of 7.  The star quarter back of the football team.  The epitome of a good kid.  Model student, model athlete, model son, model brother, model best friend.  He excelled at anything and everything he did, and genuinely cared about each and every person he met.  For ten years, Kyle and Aaron were practically inseparable.  It wasn't unusual for them to do 3 and 4 day sleepovers together.  They were going to go to college together, play college football, and get law degrees.  After that, they were going to be partners in law.  They had it all figured out.  They were best friends and they dated two girls who are also best friends.  For the past 4 months, the four of them did everything together.  Many times I told myself it was just too good to be true. 

The four of them were together at Kyle's last baseball game last Friday night.  After the game, all four went back to Kyle's girlfriend's house to hang out.  My son left at 11:30 to drive home and arrived home safely a little  after midnight.  Kyle stayed a little longer and left at 12:30.  At 4:30 am my phone rang.  It was Kyle's father asking me if Kyle was at my house.  He wasn't.  After calling the local police departments and being told that no accidents had been reported, Kyle's father and uncle got in their car to go look for Kyle.  About a mile from their house they found Kyle's truck wrapped around a tree on the side of the road.  How no one else saw the accident or its aftermath is quite hard to imagine, but apparently true, as Kyle's father and uncle were the first ones on the scene.  A preliminary investigation indicates that Kyle fell asleep at the wheel, crossed over the opposing lanes of the dark 4 lane highway he was on, hit a tree at approximately 80 mph, and felt no pain. 

Unfortunately, much pain is being felt by his family and friends at the news of his passing.  By 7:00 yesterday morning we had a house full of people who felt the need to be together to cope with the reality of what most initially thought was a sick joke.  Word of the accident spread quickly through our small town and dozens of people phoned me to confirm what they had heard.  Around 9:30 we loaded up in cars and drove over to Kyle's house where we found much of the community already gathered.  Teachers, principals, coaches, hundreds of students and their parents descended on the front lawn of Kyle's parents house to comfort Kyle's family and each other.  It was a gathering that continued well into the evening, and started all over again today at Kyle's parents request.  At 3:30 this afternoon ABC news came to interview Kyle's baseball coach and Aaron and opened the 5:30 news with the story of Kyle's passing.  After the interview, students gathered once again, this time at the high school baseball field where Kyle often played ball.  What began as a simple gathering of students, ended in an emotional tear-filled tribute to Kyle.  During the gathering, a father walked out onto the field and placed a plaque on the ground where Kyle played short-stop.  When the students walked   over to read the plaque, they found on it a poem about Kyle written by the  man's daughter, which brought several fellow football players to their knees in tears.  Afterwards, the students then drove to the tree that Kyle hit where flowers, ribbons, and a white cross had been placed, then went back to Kyle's house where they made posters to put up at the school.  Kyle's girlfriend, Aaron's girlfriend, and Adam (the third amigo) spent the night last night and are spending the night again tonight since it seems to make things a bit easier for them when they're together.  The parents have all decided that we'd rather have parent-supervised sleep-overs than have our kids driving back and forth for a while.  Unconventional but understandable considering the circumstances.  It so easily could have been my son that hit a tree that night, and I'm just a little reluctant to let go right now.

Much of my pain is from seeing my son's pain.  I can not even begin to tell you what an enormous void he will undoubtedly feel in the upcoming weeks, months and years.  He has lost his closest confident, more a brother than a friend.  The mutual admiration and respect he and Kyle shared was remarkable for two people so young.  They looked up to each other, encouraged each other, and were fiercely protective of each other.  It was a unique and cherished gift that was stripped away without warning.  Ironically, my last post was entitled "Everything Happens For A Reason" -- I'm having a very hard time believing that sentiment right now. 

Obviously we have a rough road ahead of us in the upcoming days and weeks.  Please keep Kyle's parents and his little sister, my son, and my family in your thoughts and prayers, as prayer is greatly needed right now.  On Wednesday, the high school will dismiss at 11:00 and a memorial service is scheduled for 1:00 in the auditorium.  Aaron will be a pallbearer and has been asked to select the remaining pallbearers.  He was also asked to choose Kyle's favorite 3 songs to be played at the service as well. 

The outpouring of support from our community has been quite remarkable.  But then Kyle was quite remarkable himself.  Those of you who are reading this post who knew Kyle already know what I'm talking about, but for those of you who don't know Kyle, you can get to know him just a little better by visiting his My Space page.  You may have to register to view it, but it's worth it.  Here also is today's write-up in our local paper.

After Aaron was interviewed by the television reporters, I told him he did a good job of answering their questions.  His response, "Not nearly as good a job as spending five minutes alone with Kyle would have done".

Taken from Aaron's My Space page, "I love you Kyle Jonas Adams....the world is not going to be the same without you....u mean so much to me and i feel lost without you...RIP brother...... "

Comments

[lynda]

Oh Jeanie - I am SO sorry, there are just no words - what a tragic loss. Please know that you are all in my prayers.

[Alicia]

I'm very sorry about Kyle. When someone is that young it so devastating. I'll be praying for all of you.

[Lola Lee Beno]

I'm so very sorry about the tragedy. I do know a bit of what your son is going through . . . I had an acquaintance who drowned in the Potomac River. I wasn't close to him, just someone who went to the same church as I did during high school. But I still remember him even now, and think about his family. I'll keep y'all in my prayers.

[Rhonda]

Jeanie,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and especially your son.

[heather]

That is so sad! I'm so very sorry, for his family, for your son, for everyone. What a terrible, devastating loss.
I will be thinking of you all, sending you hugs.

[Elemmaciltur]

Oh, Jeannie, I am so, so, so sorry about this. Best of thoughts be with you and your family, and especially with Kyle's family. And all the strength be with Aaron, for he's going to need it.

*lots of hugz*

[Rachel]

Sending my prays. What a terrible and huge loss for so many. I pray that God gives a sense of peace and strength in the coming weeks... months. Hugs to you Jeanie.

[Mia]

I am so sorry to hear about this. I know that it does sound trite, but things do slowly get better. I have been there myself. It takes time t heal from this sort of tragedy but part of Kyle will live on in everyone's life and especially your son's life.

[jana]

so sorry to hear this, no doubt one the hardest things for a mother to face. or a best friend......such a terrible thing.

[JessaLu]

ohmy God I am so, so sorry. I couldn't imagine.

[scout]

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear of this loss. My heart goes out to you, your family and anyone touched by his life.

Scout from Abq.

[carole]

You are so right, there are no words. Just know I am terribly sorry, for his family, for your son, for the tragedy of an amazing life cut short. Just keeping on hugging and holding your boy.
Much love to you all.

[Stephanie]

All of you are in my prayers. When I was a freshman in college, a sorority sister died in a similar manner. It was something 20+ years later I still remember. Kyle will not be forgotten. I am so sorry for your son's loss. How tragic to lose your best friend at any time but especially in high school. Again, all of you are in my prayers.

[--Deb]

Oh my God. I am so, so sorry! I can't even imagine . . .

[Jennifer]

My deepest condolences to your son and you. My heart goes out to Kyle's family as well. I will be praying for you all. What a tremendous loss.

[ruth]

*hugs*

[Darci]

The sorrow you and your family must be feeling. Why the young must die is beyond me. Keep your son close but remember to let him fly again.

[Stephanie]

Your post moved me to tears, and I am so sorry for this tremendous loss. My prayers are with you and your family as you endure this tragedy.

[Kathy]

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you, your son and entire community.

[Beth]

I'm so sorry. I'll be keeping you all in my prayers.

[Chelle]

Oh Jeanie, how devastated you, your son, Kyle's family and friends obviously feel. Unbeliveably sad. Yes indeed, my prayers are flowing out to your son, your family and the whole community for such a hole in the lives that Kyle's young life touched. Chelle

[Christine]

My heart goes out to you, to your family, to Kyle's family, to your entire community. I'm so sorry that you have all suffered such a terrible loss - you will all be in my prayers. I'm shedding tears for all of you right now. I'm so sorry to hear about all of this pain.

Let me know if you need anything or if there is anything I can do to help. I will be thinking of all of you.

[amysue]

My thoughts and prayers go to Kyles family, your family and all of your community at the loss of such a wonderful young man. May his memory be a blessing.

[Kimberly]

I am really sorry for Kyle's tragic accident. Parents should never have to out-live their children. :(
My condolences to all of your family and your friends,
=:8

[alala]

Hi Jeannie. Elemmaciltur sent me over. What a terrible, incomprehensible tragedy, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to Kyle's family, and yours.